John Gray, best-selling author of Men Are From Mars, Women are from Venus was recently interviewed on dating advice for Women in their 50’s, 60’s, 70’s and beyond and he had some timeless advice to share so we decided to share that interview here with you today.
This question comes in from Christine:
“Thank you so much for this opportunity hear from Dr. John Gray. What are some tips for women who are dating in their later years? 50’s, 60’s and 70’s?”
Dr. John Gray Responds..
“You know, dating again, in our 50’s and 60’s its really like we’re teenagers again. It’s always awkward to date. Particularly how much experience we have. We get older and we get divorced, or a spouse dies like in my case. It’s like how do I do this. I want to mention that it’s a big subject. I do address that a lot in my book “Mars Venus on a date.” The challenge is that as you get older as a women your masculine side is more developed. That’s natural after menopause, your estrogen levels drop. Unless you become an expert of being feminine. You tend to become more masculine. You want to use dating to strengthen your feminine side. It’s easy to be on your masculine side.
Let’s say you’re young and you’re in danger. You feel threatened, you feel low self esteem or a lack of confidence. You’d naturally go more to your male side. It’s your protector. Ideally the female side is someone loving you, supporting you, and being there for you. One’s on the left, one’s on the right. You want to find the middle point.
As you get older it’s harder to find that middle because you naturally gravitate to one side. The key here is to stimulate your estrogen levels in balance with your testosterone levels. On the dating situation you want to use dating as an opportunity to grow and develop your feminine side.
What you do is you recognize that men actually like to be tools. Women don’t. Now this would be offensive to women, but not to men. Men like to be tools. Men bond with tools. What does it mean to be a tool? I want to provide something for you and be appreciated. On the date you want to be clear in a gentle way, because these days the male ego is so fragile. Also, as men get older their estrogen levels down as your testosterone levels go up.
Actually, how you love a man is to recognize that you’re out of balance and they are out of balance. Our society is really not rewarding men for being on their masculine side. What I suggest is what might seem like things that may be coddling, but I’m over here telling you what would make a man interested in you and make you happy on a date.
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Now, I remember when Mars Venus came out. A male viewer in NYC shared (now, if you’re in NYC, you’re already on your male side) and one reviewer shared that “I never got into a committed relationship following any of these dating relationship advice books, but when I followed John’s books I had a good time.” John continues, well, that’s the goal. You’re looking for positive dating experiences.
Use the man to provide a date for you. Let him know three options, don’t ask him what he wants to do. It’s about what you’d like to do, what you enjoy. When you’re talking to him, make sure you are talking and that he’s listening more. You want someone to be attentive to you, interested in you and you probably taught your daughters. If you want someone to be interested in you, you need to be more interested in them.
Actually, the men who are interested in you are who you want. You need them to be interested in you more than you are interested in them. Ask a short question, with a short answer. That’s a good idea, that makes sense, you’re right about that, and then talk more. The more you talk, the more a man can ‘penetrate’ you more. Going into your heart and mind. That’s how he bonds with you as long as he feels you’re appreciating that. What do you need most to come back to your female side? The bottom line.
For someone to hear you, to feel safe and express how you feel, what you think, what you want and that means absolute authenticity. That is such a beautiful experience. But if your’e pursuing someone trying to win them over then it’s hard to be authentic because then you’re trying to people please. These are automatic childlike reactions.
Then, we have the opposite of that where women try to argue to prove a point. Make it okay to have two different points of view. Am I trying to change his points of view? or am I trying to appreciate his different perspective? That allows him to be more interested, and get to know you and bond with you.
Make sure that you don’t ask him so many questions but that you talk more. If he starts talking a lot, if he pauses, make a compliment and then start talking again. The woman should be talking more. Your receptive energy has to do with estrogen.
What do you think? Sound dating advice from Dr. John Gray. You can view his books on amazon by clicking here.
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Okinawa Japan (A Blue Zone) Holds The Secret To Burning Belly Fat Efficiently (Click To Visit)
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