When I was a young child, as a boy, I loved to play outside in the dirt. Play sports, wrestle my brother and play with the neighborhood kids outside. This was before video games, before cell phones, before the internet. Many years ago, in the ice age. I’m not even sure America was founded yet. 🙂 Ha!
My childhood looked so different from that of children today. Children today are faced with addictive technology that hijacks their brain chemistry. Dopamine, the motivation hormone is contingent on their success with the latest video game or likes on social media. My ‘dopamine hits’ as a kid were when I scored a touchdown in football, or hit a 3-pointer in basketball, or completed a new tree house, or won a race with a neighbor from across the street.
The brain chemistry of children today is far different from that of my childhood. The social fabric of our society is far different post lock downs as well. The children of today face challenges that my generation didn’t even have the temptation to face because it wasn’t even on our radar, or invented yet.
Now, for one reason or another there is a trend of parents allowing their children to choose their gender. Now, in order to stay neutral on this topic and pick a side I’d like to share a story from my own personal life that may prove a point of how even parenting has changed from 20-30 years ago till today.
When I was a child I remember going up to my mother feeling frustrated and sad because I felt bullied by the boys in my life. My friends, kids at school, even my brother. I remember seeing my sisters playing with their dolls and life seemed SO much easier as a girl. I vividly remember going to my mother and saying..
Mom, I want to be a girl. Not a boy.
Now, before I get into this story I want to share that my mother had 4 children, 2 misscarriages and was a mother to many people in my childhood beyond her own four kids. She also parented her siblings growing up. Long story short, she has a lot of experience and many people call her ‘momma’ that are not even in her bloodline to this day.
Lovingly, my mom heard me and said “You do? why’s that”? I responded by telling her how difficult it was to be a boy at that point in my life. It felt like an uphill battle and from my perspective it looked like it was easier to be a girl. She lovingly listened and heard me and responded with “Well, when I was a girl, I wanted to be a boy.”
Shocked, I responded to her “You did?” Yes, she responded. She shared that she liked to play outside and get dirty. She was a bit of a tomboy (remember tomboys? Where have they gone?) – After sharing her story and understanding that it was normal and natural to not want to be a boy, or not want to be a girl, I shrugged it off and ran off to play. I thought to myself, oh, it’s normal to feel these things. It will get easier and I’ll find being a boy is fun too.
She shared that being a girl has challenges, being a boy has challenges. Being a HUMAN has challenges. She listened and heard me out and helped me understand in a very loving way that things will get better and you are what you are, there’s no changing that. A simple lesson I understood at about five years old. She also helped me understand that if I were a girl there would still be challenges. It challenged me to be stronger, and to not let others bully me or push me around just because I was a bit smaller than most boys my age.
What is Gender vs. Gender Identity?
What is gender? What is gender identity? Obviously gender is what you’re born with. Your biological sex. Male/Female. There are no unicorns being born by humans yet, but I will be the first to admit to the world when I see a unicorn being born to a human. Now that we’re past that we have to identify what is gender identity?
Gender identity is defined as ‘what gender an individual feels like.’
Okay, got it. I am all for recognizing that people have feelings and listening to them with empathy. However, I want to take a moment to pause to introduce the concept of Yin Yang introduced to use by the Chinese culture which is a brilliant philosophy on the masculine and feminine traits of any human being. I’m sure you’ve seen the yin yang symbol before. Many people have it on t-shirts and you’ll often see it in yoga centers, people even have it tattooed on their body. Why?
Yin Yang represents the masculine and feminine energy in all of us
Yin represents the feminine. Yang represents the masculine. But as you can see it isn’t a circle with a line straight down the middle. The reason the lines are wavy and move into the space of one another. In other words, women aren’t ALL yin energy (feminine) and men aren’t ALL yang energy (masculine).
This concept of both feminine and masculine energy exists in all of us. The concept here is to not reject masculine or feminine, but to embrace both of them within oneself so that you can be able to communicate, love, and empathize with men and women alike no matter what your gender is.
What is gender dysphoria? A feeling of being disconnected from your biological sex. Gender dysphoria is a label that the medical system (by psychiatrists, who have a horrible track record pushing addictive pharmaceutical drugs on the population) was conjured up in 1973 and ever since then it’s been gaining popularity. According to trends.google.com gender dysphoria has been growing in interest and google searches since 20012 rapidly. In fact, search volume for this term has grown 14x as much as it did in 2012 until today in 2022. Take a look at how much interest in this ‘diagnosis’ has grown since 2012:
As you can see the trend for this term and looking it up has grown 14-fold in the last 10 years. Yet, when I was a kid it wasn’t a term my parents or myself had ever even heard.
Rejection Of One’s Biological Sex May Cause Mental Illness & Emotional Trauma
What is the treatment that the psychiatric medical body proposes for gender dysphoria? Medical transitioning. What is medical transitioning? It includes but is not limited to puberty blockers and hormone therapy. In other words, drugs for your kids. Something that will definitely effect their physical health in the short run and long run. Essentially chemicals is the start, then sex reassignment surgery.
This is something that 9.2% of children identify with. That they may have been born in the wrong body. I may have been in this 9.2% at one time, but my mom handled it through conversation with me as opposed to pushing pharmaceutical drugs, and gender reassignment surgery on me.
Furthermore, different retail and medical organizations will not allow for the questioning of gender transition therapy. The conversation isn’t even opened up. The video below sums it up nicely. Why is that so? Why is this happening?
Weighing The Pros & Cons Of ‘Medical’ Gender Reassignment
Pros: Your kid might temporarily feel like they got what they wanted. A new sex, to be more ‘connected’ to themselves. But this is only temporary.
Pros: Your kid will know that you’ll do anything that you ask of them. The con here is that sometimes your children need to hear “no” and have an explanation as to why. Don’t just tell your kids ‘because’ actually explain it to them.
Cons: Your child will feel misunderstood because once they realize that their gender change leaves them feeling the same inside, they’ll blame you for it. They’ll be even more disconnected to their feelings and emotions because a physical change on the outside actually didn’t change how they feel on the inside, and it never will.
Cons: Your child will be hopelessly helpless when it comes to being physically healthy. These hormone blockers are confusing chemical messengers (hormones) in the human body and that wreaks a WORLD of havoc on the human body. If your child really wants to change their gender and use hormone blockers, tell them they can do it when they’re an adult so that they can be responsible for all their medical bills. Unless you spoil your children endlessly and don’t impart valuable lessons on them.
Cons: Children who are ushered along the path of gender dysphoria (as they accept the diagnosis themselves) have higher rates of depression and suicide. Furthermore, the transgender population has the highest rates of suicide of any group of people in the United States. Why? I have ideas, but i’m not the one to answer that question.
What I will say is, if your child feels as if they need to change their gender to be happy. Or they need to change their gender to accept themselves. Or they need to change their gender to be comfortable in their own skin, they’re being manipulated and confused because as adults WE know that we will NEVER be happy on the inside by changing something on the outside.
Happiness comes from within.
Acceptance comes from within.
Love! Comes from within.
So why are we still stuck on changing our appearance to change how we may feel? That will not change things. Ever. I fear that society has gone so far down this rabbit hole that we need to protect our children and reassure them that ‘it will be okay’ and ‘you’ll grow into yourself and be comfortable growing into your skin’ that reassurance that my mom gave me as a young boy. Please do not make the mistake of pushing your children into doing something that they do not fully understand the risk of.
The thing I will leave you with is this, let kids be kids. Leave them be. Let them play.
If your boy dresses like a girl, let him do it and don’t scold him. Its something he’ll probably grow out of. If your girl dresses like a girl and acts like a tomboy, no big deal. There’s no need to respond with anger or fear, and there’s no need to change your child’s sex. It will not make them happy. I promise you.
Take a Look at Amala Ekpunobi’s Video On This Topic:
What do you think? What are your thoughts on this matter?
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