There’s no doubt that we live in a society that faces challenges in relationships that we have never seen before. Grandma barely has a smart phone, let alone half naked men and women dancing in their social feed everyday, desperate for attention. We live in a society with growing temptation, and morals that are slowly dying. Yet some of us, still the majority (for now) desire to be in a healthy, lasting, long-term relationship. But how do we do so in such a challenging dating climate? When temptation is at everyone’s fingertips and the inclination to avoid commitment out of fear is stronger than ever. One thing’s for certain, whether you’re in a relationship or looking to be in a relationship there will be challenges whether you’re the man or the woman in the relationship.
There is one big challenge lurking behind the scenes but is becoming more evident by the day. This one challenge truly reveals why a lot of relationships fail and end prematurely. It also explains why relationships never lift off in the first place. It has to do with how a man carries himself, and how a woman carries herself while dating (initially) and seeing that carry over into the relationship. It has to do with what type of energy and role they embody. Can you guess what it is?
I’ll give you a hint. It’s made men too soft, and it’s made women too strong, and not in a ‘What a strong woman’ kind of way, but more of an ‘I’m exhausted and wish a real man would stand up for me’ kind of way. No man or woman enjoys the feeling of having to play the role of a man and woman in their life, their entire life.
We desire companionship, affection, love, support and a partner that supports us in our growth and development. A healthy partner that helps to keep us grounded, centered and aligned on our vision for a better life. A teammate, a confidant. Someone to confide in.
So what is this massive challenge that all men and all women face while dating and in relationship?
A Feminized Man And A Masculine Woman
Both men and women have masculine and feminine energy. Some men are HYPER masculine and some women are HYPER feminine. However, we have some masculine and feminine energy in all of us.
Masculine energy is left-brained (left hemisphere) logical, rational and thinks things through from more of a rational, logical and mathematical perspective more than anything else.
Feminine energy is right-brained (Right hemisphere) emotional, nurturing, and much more in tine with emotions, feelings and the changing tide of energy in any environment.
Both masculine and feminine energy are valuable, vital and important in a healthy relationship.
Neither is ‘more valuable’ or ‘less valuable’ than the other. However, healthy men tend to have more masculine energy and healthy women tend to have more feminine energy.
In other words, masculine and feminine energy is dominated in your being based on your biology. This isn’t my opinion, it’s quite literally the science.
A man’s brain chemistry and hormones are different than a woman’s brain chemistry and hormones. This causes men to have strengths (generally) that women don’t have and women to have strengths (generally) that men do not have.
In other words, men make better men and women make better women.
If we had a competition, and men tried to be women, they’d fail quite badly. If we extended this competition to women and asked them to be men they’d fail quite badly too.. The point is, men have strengths and women have strengths based on differences in brain chemistry, hormones, biology and evolutionarily as a whole.
So How Did Men Become Feminized?
The feminine essence of modern day women has been destroyed by the ‘modern day masculine’ and it’s clear as day.
A man who negates his responsibilities, steps down when he needs to step up, who looks for blame and escapism as opposed to taking blame and responsibility is a weak, weak man.
When weak weak men maintain leadership positions and positions of power women begin to resent men and masculinity in general… and I don’t blame them.
The representation of masculinity that they see is flawed, skewed, weak, bloated.
Men NEED to establish an accountable and responsible mind. They NEED to lead. Leading takes on the majority of the work, ladies.. this looks like opening doors for you, and providing etc.
Men leading is NOT a bad thing, but unhealthy men that have disconnected from their masculine become problematic.
They weaken the entire tribe. We need strong male leaders, just like we need loving and nurturing mothers.
Men and women have individual strengths based on our differences in biochemistry, hormones, nursing and carrying a child (building a stronger bond and nurturing nature) and more..
There’s nothing WRONG With Nurturing Women
Ask your grandmother.. what’s wrong with this? Nothing is.
The truth is.. we need strong men. We need strong women too.
But we need to understand natural strengths play a role in our development in this life.
To ignore our own biology, our own hormones, our own strengths is a HUGE mistake.
To add insult to injury we have a world now where men are feminine and women are masculine.
How Did Women Become Masculine?
Women started becoming masculine the moment they left the motherly role and began engaging in a male dominated workforce. Think about it.
A woman, who was once a homemaker, cooking and cleaning, taking care of children is now thrown into a workforce that is primarily men, and quite literally entirely led by men (at the time) and this was ‘the new normal’ for women.
To work, act, behave and even begin to think like men. In a logical, left-brain, mathematical manner.
To essentially turn their emotions, intuition and nurturing nature off in order to be productive, make money and pay taxes like the rest of society.
The Interesting History Of Women In The Workforce
This is a complete side note but it is worth knowing. When the workforce was all men some very powerful people in this country (United States) began to conspire and ask how they could get more production out of their people, and how to create more tax revenue for politicians to have fatter pockets. An idea was proposed to open the workforce to women to DOUBLE productivity and taxes.
Families were supported for and provided for by men. Women had one job, to take care of the family and make sure food was on the table and the home was in order. Men had one job, to bring home the money to pay the bills and buy the food.
Now, men still work but women are often working a full-time job or part-time job as well as taking care of and managing the home. This made the workload double as hard on women, and the families were provided for adequately before this. It appeared to have to do with ‘Women’s rights’ and independence for women but it really just made a woman’s job harder and more stressful as her workload doubled and aged her double as fast.
This transition in our countries history really began in the late 1800’s and early 1900’s. This led to women taking on a masculine role every time they left the house to go to work.
Is there something wrong with a woman that works a job or has a business? not at all. But if it’s at the expense of her family and relationship to create income that isn’t even necessary, it’s worth assessing in a healthy way and asking if it’s truly needed for the wellbeing of the woman and the entire family.
Society Has Lessened The Value Of Men
Over time, with more women providing and making a living society has unconsciously lessened the value of a man to provide for his family. A man that is not challenged, and strengthened by the challenges of life becomes a weak man. A man that steps DOWN when he NEEDS to step UP.
This has led to men that have leaned further into their feminine nature in society as a whole.
Once again.. Men make stronger men. Women make stronger women. There’s no arguing that. It’s still evident in society EVEN WITH the odds stacked against men and women both.
This has led to both men and women belittling and ignoring their strengths as a whole.
Ignoring your strengths and developing strengths in another area that won’t bring about true fulfillment and happiness.
We see it time and time again..
A successful career woman who feels empty at the end of the day.
A man who doesn’t provide for his family that is disconnected from his purpose.
This ‘role reversal’ will cause issues long-term.
I’m not saying men cannot be nurturing and women cannot lead.
What I am saying is.. If women are always acting out in a manly way and men are acting out in a womanly way, issues will arise.
Women are more emotionally in tune. This is a gift.
Men are more logically rational. This is also a gift.
Both of these are valuable, when used together it creates quite a beautiful dynamic. A healthy, happy family.
There’s a difference, and to discount these differences is to discount the very nature of the gift we are given.
I’m not ashamed of being a man. I hope you’re not either.. of being a man, or woman.. Embrace it. Embody it.
There’s a gift there.
I read a book entitled “The Queen’s Code” by Alison Armstrong
many years ago that really opened my eyes to the dynamic (and changing dynamic) of men and women in relationships. This book was written by a woman for woman, but as a man I read it knowing full well I could learn from it also.
I recommend getting her book on amazon here and reading it. It is very eye opening and from a woman’s perspective, she shines a great light on the truth that is needed and hearing it will be a valuable gift to your life and relationships. Here are a few beautiful quotes from this book:
“A person’s will is enabled, strengthened, by love. The greater their ability to dwell in love, the more potent their will.”
― The Queen’s Code
“Unlike the fairy tale princes, real men do not like having to save someone.”
― The Queen’s Code
“Being able to let go of a righteous position is a key to creating partnership.”
― The Queen’s Code
“A smart man will always choose an ounce of prevention over a pound of cure,” he”
― The Queen’s Code
“she fell asleep wondering if turning frogs into princes could be learned. Or do you have to be born royalty?”
― The Queen’s Code
“If you’re always trying to impress me, how come you don’t take out the trash?” The look on his face was priceless. He blurted out in undisguised bewilderment, “That would impress you?”
― The Queen’s Code