Recognizing the traits of a narcissistic person is important if you want to guard your heart, emotions and mind. If you desire to not be used like a tool by a narcissistic person it is important to pay close attention to these traits as they can show up at any moment. Being mindful and aware of the psychological warfare and manipulation tactics is important. Being keenly aware of what’s going on in these moments will allow you to see the truth of the matter. To see who someone truly is deep down.
The are are 10 recognizable traits that narcissists have and the more of these traits that someone takes on the more likely they are to be a narcissist. Look at these traits like red flags. The more red flags someone has the more important it is to create space and remove yourself from that relationship as it is not healthy short-term, so why would it be long term?
Codependent people have a tendency to stay in relationships with narcissists because of their codependent tendencies. Recognize that these behavior patterns won’t change with your narcissistic partner simply because you want them to. These changes need to come from within and if your partner, friend or whoever it is in your life refuses to face the reality of their behavior it is best to move on. Spending time, energy and money on ‘fixing someone’ is of no use as these people actually have their ego fed by these attempts towards them. They feel self-righteous, validated and more important which actually feeds their narcissistic behavior. Don’t fall prey or victim to this trap because you’ll only be draining your energy, time and life in the process.
10 Recognizable Traits Of Narcissists:
They Work Hard To Present A Perfect Image To The World:
Narcissists care about their image to the world more than anything. In fact, they will even take on a public personality far different from their private persona. The more someone cares about how they appear, their image, the less self-confidence and self worth they have. This may seem counter-intuitive because you may think “they care about themselves, so they are being confident and proud.” Yes, they are being confident and proud, but they get this from the compliments and appearance that others reflect back to them. People who are not narcissists feel comfortable in their skin and do not need to overdo it.
The Person Who Was Once Charming Now Became Controlling:
When they came into the relationship initially they had a lot of charm, affection and adoration. They seemed perfect. Over time however this charm has turned into control and usery. They have become needy, angry and controlling with their energy. This switch is not healthy and reveals narcissistic traits and tendencies.
You Feel Like A Caretaker For Them:
When you’re in a relationship with a narcissist you can end up in what feels like a caretaker position for them. This looks like putting your needs and wants in the backseat to put your partners “needs” first. I put needs in quotes because what really happens is that the narcissists needs are met and their wants tend to get met too. Meanwhile. your needs get ignored and your wants do too. It’s a bad trade! Instead what happens is you become a scapegoat for them even while caring for their needs. Instead of working like a team unit you end up taking care of the narcissists needs and feel like a parent while they feel like a child taking all the attention they can get.
They Don’t Feel Empathy:
Narcissists are not attentive to the feelings of others because they have a low level of emotional intelligence. Whereas most humans can sense and understand when emotions are at play, narcissists do not recognize this. If you feel different than they do they will not use empathy to understand your perspective but rather use judgment, manipulation and even accuse you of being mentally ill (the serendipity) in that scenario. In the book Zero Degrees Of Empathy by Simon Baron Cohen he found that narcissists have a limited capacity for empathy to the point where the empathy circuit in their brain is down regulated. This means that the part of a healthy brain that develops empathy for others is very underdeveloped in a narcissistic individual.
They Are Unable To Really Be Intimate:
Intimacy is a chore for narcissists. They do not desire to be intimate in a loving and caring way. They do not feel true love as the love they have been used to in their life (being raised by narcissistic parents most likely) is a conditional form of love. Conditional forms of love are exchange driven and require keeping track of rights, wrongs and everything in between. it’s not true love. True unconditional love is patient, kind and giving. It doesn’t keep a record of wrongdoing. That’s not love. Narcissists also tend to come into the relationship fiery hot with a lot of intimacy and passion. You may have had an amazing sexual encounter or intimate encounter with them which made you think ‘Wow, that’s the kind of intimacy I desire’ so it drew you closer in.
They use this as a trap however and they know it. They are master manipulators that will even use their body, affection and intimacy against you. Intimacy feels like a chore to them so they do the bare minimum to keep you at bay and to keep you locked in the relationship as a codependent counterpart. For many people intimacy (touch) is one of their love languages. This can be especially hard if this form of manipulation is used against you.
They Think The World is Theirs And ‘It’ Belongs To Them:
Narcissist have a ‘Mine!’ mentality. Just like a spoiled child that can only say ‘mine’ when any other child touches their toys. A narcissist has an underdeveloped brain and believes that what is, is theirs. Even if it isn’t at all. Narcissists don’t have a tendency to share and can be very ‘my’ or ‘mine’ oriented in life. If a divorce occurs the narcissist will blame their partner for ‘not working’ or ‘not contributing’ to the relationship financially even though they convinced their partner to not work and stay at home in the first place. They do this to keep the assets that they don’t want to lose.
They Blame You For How They Feel:
The narcissist takes no control or responsibility over their feelings. To be accountable to their feelings feels foreign to them. They need someone to blame for how they feel in any given moment. Narcissists have a delusional idea that everything around them causes what they feel. They are more concerned by what happened “to them” than anything, even if somethign didn’t actually happen to them. If they feel sad, angry, enraged, or dissatisfied in any way they will be quick to point the finger and blame how they feel on you. Narcissists are very biased and skewed in this way. They don’t take accountability or responsibility for how they feel and are constantly projecting outward.
They Have No Desire To Change:
You may have attempted to change them, “fix them” or help them change in any way. This attempt would be futile at best. Their desire to change is minimal at best and even if they say they are putting forth effort to change it is not true effort that is put forth. If you explain something to them they may even nod their head and say they understand but remember that they are master manipulators. They can play the role of the ‘hero that will change’ and then play the victom the very next day. The desire to change is not there, so stop wasting your energy trying.
They Try To Make You Leave First:
Narcissists don’t have intentions that are positive or pure. They want you to leave the relationship first so that they can blame you for being the problem. They can often do this to push you away and then draw you back in with your codependency on them, creating a yo-yo of emotions, high and low. This can cause you to feel upset while they continue to invest in their self-righteousness.
They Will Manipulate You Into Staying:
But you jsut said they’ll make you leave! Yes, they will. Then they will manipulate you into staying.. back and forth. If they can control your actions of leaving and coming back they know the power they have over you. An unhealthy power that is unhealthy for you as well as them, they just don’t realize it yet because they haven’t felt the reprocussions of being a narcissist. They will prey on your self-doubt to use fear to not get you to leave saying things like “Go back to your dumb ex” or “Go back to your worthless family that doesn’t care about you anyway” or things like this. They will push you away with a negative fear attached to their words to cause you to question whether or not you really should leave. They will use guilt, shame, blame and anything else to keep you caught in the vicious cycle of being attached to them.
These are 10 traits that narcissists have in relationships. You may recognize a few of them, a majority of them, even all of them. The more of these traits you recognize the more red flags that you are with a narcissist. Know the truth and the truth will set you free.