A narcissist is defined as someone a person who has an excessive interest in or admiration of themselves. They all too rarely do not think of of others and are mostly consumed with themselves. Their ideas only. What they want and how they can get it. They also often seek control and sometimes at any cost. It matters deeply to them because control is a tool they use for manipulation.
Narcissists can be anywhere. You can be in a romantic relationship with one. You can work with one. They can be in your family. Even as a member of your church or religious organization, believe it or not.
An important part of my journey with my content is to support others in their healing from the past and making forgiving others a priority, as it is necessary for true forgiveness. Today there will be insightful for you if you have narcissists in your life. You’ll be reading the 10 common narcissistic abusive phrases and mentalities that may strike you to your core. It is my hope that these words wake you up if you need to be and to remind you that you deserve the best in any relationship, be it romantic, family, work of friendship.
Being Around A Narcissist is Incredibly Tiring
How many of us have had many sleepless nights because of a narcissist husband, wife, boyfriend or girlfriend? For that matter it could be any toxic relationship you have right now. Family, co-workers. The list goes on.
I’ve had one very difficult relationship with a narcissist, in fact, they were a self-admitted one also. I couldn’t believe that they actually admitted it at one point. Problem was, they wore it like pride and basically identified as a narcissist without the desire to change. I had a lot of really rocky nights in that relationship. At one point for about 6 months my blood pressure was elevated and whenever I would get it checked it was higher than it should be. I’m thin, healthy and workout. It surely wasn’t because of my lifestyle. It was because of the added stress in that relationship that I had to deal with at the time.
It’s no fun. At all. I’m sure you’ve been there, or perhaps currently are. If so, we’re going to do something about it together.
I did know eventually learn after years that no matter what I said or did, nothing was going to change in this relationship. My narcissistic partner was not going to change. They had no desire to. If I wanted to be happy in life and find a partner I could give to, and benefit from on the receiving end.. to have a harmonious relationship I had to make a decision.
My two options were..
- leave them
- ignore my partner and put up with it
I’ll tell you what, I didn’t end up choosing the latter. It just took too big of a toll on me, especially when another past partner of there’s came back into the picture. I had had enough. I ended up leaving, even though the love and connection was strong. It was not easy. I knew that I needed to wipe the slate clean, heal, and start from scratch.
Narcissistic people will fight you because for them control is how they manipulate. They will do whatever it takes, even if it destroys you mentally, emotionally and physically. All too often we lose ourselves in these toxic relationships because we fear there is no way out. But there is. What narcissists do not realize is that they hurt everyone they are in a relationship with because the health of their exchange within that relationship is not balanced. This could be their partner, family, even their own children that they become so blinded by with how their behavior is rubbing off on their little ones.
Later in this article we’ll share 10 key ideas, mentalities and manipulative tactics used by narcissists all over the world.
Narcissistic Behavior is Toxic And Hurts Anyone Near
Often times when we enter into a narcissistic relationship or are near them the signs aren’t super clear at first. This is because narcissists operate under a model of control where control is at the top of the hierarchy. They need more control than you as often as possible in case they need to manipulate the situation to their advantage because at the end of the day it’s all about THEM.
Initially I thought maybe it had to do something with how they were raised, and while there is some truth there it can also be used as an excuse to stay where one is.
Wouldn’t it be nice if we all had better role models? Especially narcissists, to nurture them, support them and show them love so that they grow into loving kind human beings. One can dream.
Often times however, a narcissist parent raises narcissistic children. Whether a narcissistic mother or a narcissistic father. Even a grandparent, uncle or aunt. There’s some influence there that causes this behavior pattern.
Narcissistic behavior is damaging to everyone in that individuals life, even the narcissist believe it or not, even though they think it has no negative effect on them. Why? it’s obvious that they are not happy. Spend some time around one and you’ll know that very quickly. It doesn’t take much for them to be thrown into a tantrum, a fit, if they do not get their way. This is often rooted in childhood trauma as when they were a child this mechanism may have worked to get their way because their parent was a pushover with them.
The truth is that they are very sad people that are operating out of defense to protect their ego, their life, their identity as they know it.
What Are The Big Traits To Reveal a Narcissist?
You may still have no idea we are dealing with a narcissist in your life. You may not be, so don’t be quick to jump to conclusions or judge someone. With that being said if you do not have prior experience with one there’s a good chance you will have no clue. Narcissistic personality disorder is a real mental health illness. When I say illness, that does not mean it cannot be treated, cared for and healed. Plenty of people who were in the position of a narcissist are now redeemed and loving human beings, but it does take a lot of work and a large part of that work has to do with deep, unconditional forgiveness. Not conditional forgiveness, which most forgiveness is nowadays.
If you recognize any of the signs shared here with anyone in your life. Be it your spouse, partner, family member, a friend, co-worker, or a random person at the grocery store, then there’s a good chance that you are dealing with someone who is suffering from a narcissistic personality disorder.
Red Flag Signs of Narcissistic Personality Disorder:
- They can frequently bully you with no remorse at all
- They seek constant praise and attention
- They lack empathy for others
- They require and demand appreciation and attention very often
- Often has an exaggerated sense of self-importance
- They exaggerate their skills and talents
Watch This Important Video on Narcissist 3 Traits That Are Important To Notice
This video is from David Benjamin, a health and emotional wellness coach. You can learn more about his coaching services at HealthyWildFree.com/coaching
Narcissistic Abuse Carries Long Term Damage
If you are dealing with a narcissist or perhaps someone you know is dealing with a narcissist I would encourage you to to be brave for yourself or for them. Remember, you really only have two options. You’ll either have to learn how to deal with them or find the courage to leave them. There’s no real middle ground here. You have got to be hot or cold and recognize when enough is enough. When you recognize they are not changing and it’s been too long, it’s time to move on. For each person this could be different. For some people this could be a few months, for some people a few years. I’d encourage you to not take abuse simply because you want to keep a relationship strong or do it for your children.
If you’re a parent and staying in a relationship with a narcissist that abuses you, your child will learn that a ‘normal and healthy relationship’ looks like, even though it’s the furthest thing from one. When you have a child, you must think about your actions and the actions of your partner reflect on them.
Narcissists will also try to rope the child onto their team and peg them against you. Although in the narcissists mind they think they are winning and succeeding with their manipulative tactics they are actually damaging their children in ways that they cannot foresee yet, while being stuck in a narcissistic menatlity.
The long term effects of narcissistic abuse can last for years.
At times I feel like I have healed from the relationships with narcissists but a trigger can come up quickly and remind you of the way it feels.
The Side Effects Of Narcissism Include:
Do you ever wonder why a side effect is called ‘side’ effect? It’s strange if you think about it. It’s simply an effect. To call it a ‘side effect’ diminishes it’s relevance and impact verbally but not necessarily in the world world. With that being said, the effects of being in a relationship include but are not limited to..
- Trust issues with others
- Diminished Self-love/self-worth
- Loss of confidence
- Dealing with mental lies planted into your mind
- Sadness, anxiety and depression
- Overthinking and overworrying in relationships
Narcissists once again rule by controlling the situation. They use fear as a tool in their toolbelt. That fear that is inflicted on you doesn’t go very far even when they leave. It’s something you have to consicously rewire your mind and heart with. To instill trust, to instill love, to instill hope, optimism and ultimately to forgive (for-give) for the purpose of giving that pain back and not carrying it with you for life.
Next, we’ll be sharing ten of the most common ideas or phrases that narcissists use to gain control and power and then abuse it. Be aware of not only these phrases but the dangerous mentality behind it that is rooted in destruction and self-preservation at all costs.
These Narcissistic Abuse Phrases Are Worth Bookmarking!
For no other reason other than being aware more often it may be worth bookmarking this article. This will be a reference source for you to come back and check to see if there are any narcissistic red flags that come up in the future. This is something that I have lived with for years personally, so these ideas will become valuable cornerstones to protect and guard your heart in the future.
The narcissistic abuse phrases and mindset I am going to share with you today are hopefully going to act as wake up calls for you if they need to. Small gentle reminders for your heart and spirit that you may actually be better off without your narcissistic partner. That maybe it may actually be the time to leave them and preserve your dignity.
If you feel that this article is resonating with you with a particular relationship in your life don’t hesitate to dig deeper in and learn more about the topic of narcisissim and narcissistic personality disorder, as well as childhood trauma and how that can lead to narcissism when unhealed. You can print this article out with the list to keep it handy, or better yet bookmark this article (save the paper and ink) in your web browser to refer back to. I will be updating it with informative videos in the future on narcisissm.
What you do with this determines how your life will change. Not the information itself but how you decide to act on it. I truly hope that they help you in dealing with the narcissist in your life and help you let go, heal and move on if you need to, like I did.
10 Narcissistic Abuse Phrases Worth Noticing
I know this is quite the read and not a short arcticle by any means but understanding the complexity within a narcissists mind is important. Finally i’ll share 10 powerful abuse tactics used by narcissists that you’ll want to pay attention to.
Narcissists will use lies try to destroy your life even going deeper into lies because they know theirs can be destroyed with the truth.
Narcissists will do anything in their power to make your life a living hell if they need to, even lie about who they are, what they do, where they’re from. Some of the most important details about a person can be entirely fabricated to have a sense of control and power over you. Remember you deserve the truth and honesty especially if that’s how you communicate. Find your voice and speak your own truth.
Narcissists are masters of pathologizing your emotions. They convince you that your emotional reactions to the abuse are the problem, rather than the abuse itself. ~Shahida Arabi
They will tell you that you think too much. That you worry too much. That it’s all in your head and that you are the problem. They will tell you that you are overreacting. The crazy thing about this is that it seems like sound advice, you might think to yourself ‘you’re probably right’ and go on with your day. The problem is that this is yet another manipulation tactic for you to not uncover their lies. If you dig too deep they know that they will be the ones that are exposed, so be vigilant and don’t let your gut insticts go unheard. The abuse is the problem, not you.
The narcissist doesn’t actually want your love, as they don’t know what love is. They want your admiration and obedience as a player in their ‘metaverse’ delusional reality.
As sad as it is, narcissists have no idea how to love truly and deeply. This is most likely because they were never given the love we all deserve growing up. True, unconditional, present love. Instead they thrive on having their ego stroked and teased and by you playing into their game, where THEY set the rules and the rules can change at any given time. Don’t play their game. You might be thinking at this point, how sad is it that they do not knwo true love and that they create this manipulative reality. Perhaps I could give them compassion, grace, empathy? Love? You could, however, you don’t need to give someone compassion, grace, love or empathy in person. You can always love someone from afar but set a boundary that you will not be continuously abused by this person. Pray for them from afar, as difficult as that may be.
Narcissists don’t change because they don’t want to change. They want to keep on using and abusing because it gets them the attention they so desperately crave. ~Anne McCrea
Narcissists are always seeking to be seen. They are attention seekers. Remember that! To them attention is as good as love. Being noticed, being heard, being seen. This to them is relevant enough and this shallow form of love is enough to keep them in chatbox mode controlling the conversation and narrative when you are around others with them. You’ll find it hard to get a word in with them once they get going. This shows their inflated sense of self-importance. It’s also them desperately seeking love, in the false form of ‘attention’ and being noticed. As long as they keep getting the attention they crave, desire and manipulate for they will not change. Why would they? Imagining them to change is like explaining to someone what french fries taste like to someone that’s never even seen a potato. It’s foreign beyond comprehension.
If you don’t heal what hurt you, you will bleed all over those who didn’t cut you.
This quote as deep and true as it is actually works both ways. The narcissist will bleed all over you because they haven’t healed. Another way to interpret this quote is that you need to heal from your past ex narcissistic partner or you will bleed over the next person. That would be unfair to them, and you both. And this is why healing is so important.
Truth is like surgery. It hurts but it heals. A lie is like a pain killer. It gives instant relief but has effects forever.
Read this a few times over to really let it sink in. Truth goes deep and sets the captive free (as bob marley says) or ‘you will know the truth and the truth will set you free’ as Jesus said in the bible. Lies on the other hand are short-term delusions sold as permanent fixes. Lies only go deeper and become uglier, hurting you and the person you love. A lie is a lie is a lie, no matter how many times you repeate a lie or believe it to be true it is sitll a lie. You will feel the pain from that lie, possibly for years, possibly forever. One of the key common signs of narcissistic personality disorder is lying, a lot, all the time if necessary. Notice the signs here and get out. Lies never get any prettier.
A narcissist will manipulate everyone around you to betray you too. This is not a reflection of who you are but more of a reflection of the narcissist powers of manipulation and the integrity of other people.
You know there’s a quote that goes something like this: live your life in such a way that if anyone spoke badly of you, no one would believe them. Your true friend and the people who matter and care won’t believe the narcissist’s lies. If they do, have compassion on them for they may never have been in an experience in life where they have been deceived or manipulated this deeply. Without this experience in discernment they may not have the ability to recognize the truth. If they believe the lie and stick with it, holding it against you like the narcisisst in your life you may want to assess them. Narcissists fall like dominoes, one after the other.
A narcissist doesn’t care how they make you feel as long as they provoke an emotion from you. This makes them feel superior and powerful. If they can control your emotional state they still have you under their grip. Remember that.
One day you will see them for who they really are and recognize the deception, you will finally see right through them and you can make the decision to leave for your own health, safety, self-respect and self-love. I truly hope that you find the courage and strength to do that sooner than later if you’re in a narcissistic relationship.
It’s important to remember that a narcissist does not care about your mental, emotional or physical well-being. They will maniuplate with their mind, their body (sex), their emotions, their stories, their lies. You name it. But deep down these narcissistic people do know your value, your beauty, your heart, they know how much people adore and love you and it creates jealousy within them. If they sit in that it will compound and make them even more jealous and bitter over time.
If you’re a narcissistic relationship and in need of true, lasting support on your healing journey book an emotional wellness consultation with David Benjamin by clicking here. He coaches from experience being manipulated by a narcissist and in a relationship for an entire year that was fueled by one BIG lie. He works with his clients to support them in building healthy mental and emotional frameworks that tilt the odds in their favor each and every single day.
One of The Most Powerful Narcissist Statements Worth Remembering..
Just don’t. It’s so not worth it and you will lose every time. You will lose lots of things. Things like:
Is a sacrifice that the best result is worse than you are now actually worth it? Definitely not! If you are in a toxic relationship with a narcissist right now and are either too afraid to leave, book an emotional wellness consultation session with David Benjamin at HealthyWildFree.com/coaching (click here to visit). We are not meant to live imprisoned by the acts of another. We are meant to be free human beings, with a spirit that is free to express, love, give and care. You deserve that in your life.
I have personally had to do a lot of healing to do a lot of healing work after my relationship. Some of the best tools for me were journaling and using this as a self-reflection, mirror tool. To see where my thoughts, beliefs and emotions were at. Prayer has also been very powerful. Forgiveness too. I’ve learned more about the depth of love and forgiveness by dating a narcissist. My life wouldn’t be as enriched as it is today if it weren’t for this beautiful woman coming into my life and teaching me healing takes work, effort and tender loving care given to me BY me.
I’m grateful for my ex. As toxic and harmful as it was to our lives, it taught me how to love, care and forgive on a deeper resovoir that has given my life so much more meaning, purpose and fulfillment. It led me to doing what I do today, in working with clients to get through some of the most difficult points of their lives.
To come out victorious, to rise like the phoenix out of the ashes!
I was speaking with a friend the other day that shared this quote with me that I think all narcisissts need to hear:
“You’re in charge, but your’e in control.”
There is so much power in that truth. It’s important for all people to know that we are not in control but we are in charge. When we realize that we can let go of the grip that control may have on our ego. Being in a relationship with a narcissist can cause you to adopt some of their tendencies ESPECIALLY if you choose to not heal. Their negative behavior can rub off on you affecting your future relationships. Don’t be another statistic of narcissistic abuse carried forward. Book an emotional wellness session with David Benjamin today at HealthyWildFree.com/coaching if you need guidance and support.
Leaving a Toxic Relationship Can Be Done – Always
We are here on earth to live in joy. Even the narcissists! They just don’t know it yet. We deserve love and to be happy and in a relationship with someone that chooses love and happiness also. Whatever you are going through or dealing with, know you don’t have to continue to battle the ego of a narcissist. According to Wayne Dyer an ‘EGO’ stands for “Edging God Out” which the narcissists have quite literally perfected. In fact, they think of themselves as God, or Goddesses. In complete control of their reality and they add insult to injury by exercising that false sense of control over others.
I know firsthand that leaving can be incredibly scary and hard but it’s not impossible. When I finally decided to leave my narcissistic partner my whole life changed for the better. It opened up amazing opportunities and miracles in my heart and spirit that I couldn’t even put on paper publicy.
Trust that this experience in this beautiful life is happening ‘for you’ and not ‘to you’ as Tony Robbins teaches. I hope these character traits of narcissists stick with you and wake you up to the truth, because only the truth will set you free.
If you need help letting go, moving on, setting boundaries or loving yourself, visit HealthyWildFree.com/coaching to book an emotional wellness consultation with David Benjamin. David has experience working with people who are in or have been in a narcissistic relationship. He specailizes in supporting you to set boundaries, along with building a new mental and emotional framework for a healthy mind. A harmonious relationship is closer to you the moment you decide to be brave and step into your healing. Don’t wait, book a session at HealthyWildFree.com/coaching.
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